Date Etiquette
In 2014, I started a blog called Sex After Marriage. I was going through the transformation one does after coming out of an 18-year marriage with a man that I met at 17 years old. I was finding out who I was. I started this blog to chronicle my journey. I figured that if I was inspiring myself, I would surely inspire others.
In 2024, it’s now been 10 years. I thought it might be time to republish the blog with my “10-Year Take”. I’m looking forward to seeing what’s changed and what has stayed the same. This is a gift to myself as I come into my 50th year on this planet, the same age my mom lost her 2-year battle with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. In some ways, it feels like I’m on borrowed time. In other ways, I feel like I’m completing her incomplete journey. Mom, you are missed and I’m not sure I would have gotten here if I hadn’t had to feel the loss of you. Thank you for reading.
Dated March 27, 2015
It’s the day after a date. Will he text me? Will I text him? That is what runs through my head, if in fact I enjoyed my date. And if I enjoyed my date, he knows. Or I hope he knows. I’m fairly forward and now days have zero issue initiating a kiss at the end of the date, if not more. So if that has happened, you know I am waiting for that text. But I am never patient, ask any of the people in my life, so I whip off a quick, “I enjoyed your company last night” text and the waiting continues.
The other day I wrote about my pet peeve about condoms. So now I want to talk about etiquette in dating. Here are MY “not necessarily deal breakers but highly encouraged” tips. (Note that every person is different, these are mine.)
Be on time.
Chivalry isn’t dead for me. I like a door opened, etc. It gets noticed. It isn’t necessary and you won’t get dinged in the points department, but it is nice.
A phone call the day or so before a date is nice. With online dating and texting, it can sometimes be overlooked. It is nice to hear a voice, get a little bit of the unknown out of the way. I suppose it could also give you a false sense of security. So still use the buddy system and let someone know where you are going. I actually prefer a phone call over text for all communication. It’s more personal.
I am happy to pay for myself. I actually prefer it in many cases. But I won’t refuse if you insist.
That night, after the date, it is easy to send a “I really enjoyed my evening. Let’s talk again soon.” At the very least, the next day.
If you are really into me, it would be completely appropriate to ask me when you can see me again at the end of the date. Again, if I am into you, you will know it. If I don’t make any moves and you haven’t made any moves, you can probably safely assume I’m not really interested. I’m a pretty forward girl.
If you would be ok with sex, if it ends up an option, bring condoms. (You can read my pet peeve about condoms here) Yes, I have condoms. I carry three sizes, that’s how prepared I am. They are always with me, no matter where I am, not just if I think I might have sex. I don’t even have to think about it. Check my purse. They are there. But as a potential partner, I would think you would want to use the condoms you prefer. If you don’t have a preferred condom, I have to wonder why you haven’t taken the initiative to find the best one for you. If anyone reading this has a latex allergy, you should be prepared with latex free condoms, no matter which sex you are.
Consider some of these things when you are on your next date. We will notice.
Ten-Year Take:
First thought: I laughed as it’s been so long since I’ve been on a traditional-type date. What I mean by that is that I don’t really date. I date my friends but that’s very different. I’m not meeting strangers.
Second thought: I’m totally pro letting the other person pay, especially if they have more resources than I do. Back then, I know I was considering it from a power standpoint. I didn’t want an assumption that if they paid, they were entitled to the date they want. In my friend dates, if my friend has less resources than I do, I try to offer if I have the means. I also LOVE that I have dates where I never need to consider if I can afford the date, because they always pay.
Third thought: the anxiety associated with waiting for the text — a lot of that was my anxious attachment. It doesn’t show up nearly as much anymore, yet it still can show up. Example: I met a guy at a friend’s event. We had delicious energy together. Eventually we started seeing eachother. After that first date, I was so anxious to hear from him, to make the next date. I caught myself worried that he wasn’t into me. Noticing it, though, really helped neutralize the insecurity. “Check yourself, Michelle. You are amazing and fun to be around. IF he didn’t feel the way, he can fuck the right off!” Sometimes we have to be THAT cheerleader for ourselves. He texted shortly after. XOXO
Last thought: I’m still very forward and assertive. I’m not guarded with my words of appreciation. You will know.
