Pet Peeve: Condoms and Men that Don’t Carry Them
In 2014, I started a blog called Sex After Marriage. I was going through the transformation one does after coming out of an 18-year marriage with a man that I met at 17 years old. I was finding out who I was. I started this blog to chronicle my journey. I figured that if I was inspiring myself, I would surely inspire others.
In 2024, it’s now been 10 years. I thought it might be time to republish the blog with my “10-Year Take”. I’m looking forward to seeing what’s changed and what has stayed the same. This is a gift to myself as I come into my 50th year on this planet, the same age my mom lost her 2-year battle with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. In some ways, it feels like I’m on borrowed time. In other ways, I feel like I’m completing her incomplete journey. Mom, you are missed and I’m not sure I would have gotten here if I hadn’t had to feel the loss of you. Thank you for reading.
Dated March 25, 2015
I am a very proactive, risk aware, sex practitioner. I carry condoms. I carry multiple size condoms. I am “that girl”. (I actually carry a bag of supplies if I know what is planned.)
Halloween, 2014 – I was a “condom size queen”. I passed out condoms to the guests and educated about how to determine proper sizing.
My crown of condoms :)
What really disappoints me is that almost all of the men I have been with have not carried their own condoms. They are the penis owners! That says to me that they would rather not use them. That isn’t cool with me. I require them 100% of the time. I miss condom free sex. I do. But it just isn’t an option outside of a committed, time-tested relationship.
What they don’t understand is that if they took the time to find the right condom for them, condom sex would be better for both of us! So many times the condom doesn’t fit right. It causes them to lose their erection, and then we aren’t having sex at all, or at least not penis in vagina sex. Hey, no sweat off my brow. But they are causing their own disappointment.
I’m going to plug some friends here… Go check out the partnership between Lucky Bloke and Life on the Swingset and get a sampler of which ever size condoms you honestly need. How do you know what size? It’s simple. Grab an empty toilet paper roll. Put your erect penis inside the tube. Did it fit comfortably? You are standard. If it was loose, you are a smaller fit. Didn’t fit? You are a larger fit. Now go condom shopping! Please!
Ten-Year Take:
😂 I’m noticing I referred to myself as a “sex practitioner”… I think I meant that I'm someone who regularly has sex. It cracks me up because I did become a sex practitioner, years later. I would call a surrogate partner a sex practitioner, in some ways. Still laughing at that one!
What I’m noticing around me, these days, is that I’m meeting more people who have had vasectomies. I can’t say if this is their truth or not, but I get a feeling that when they share that they’ve had a vasectomy, what they aren’t saying is that we don’t need condoms. I’m still in the camp of condoms for sex outside of my primary relationship, the one with my husband.
We did consider a shift in that because I had a partner whom I was his only sexual partner for years. We would hook up once in a while, and I finally just said what is true for me, “Sex would be even better without a condom!” I then went back to my husband and asked for his thoughts. Basically, he said he trusted me to make that decision for us. Yes, “us” because it is an “us” decision. It would be increasing OUR risk.
In the end, the choice was not to stop using condoms. The occasional partner, he decided not to agree to the testing I wanted. “Thank you for taking care of yourself!”
Would it be nice to have an additional partner that was condom-free… sure would be! Will that happen? Who the fuck knows? 🤷🏻♀️
Risk-aware sex… you’ve got to be educated and make your own decisions. Everyone will have a different risk profile and risk tolerance.
