Well Hello There, Attraction. Welcome Back.
In 2014, I started a blog called Sex After Marriage. I was going through the transformation one does after coming out of an 18-year marriage with a man that I met at 17 years old. I was finding out who I was. I started this blog to chronicle my journey. I figured that if I was inspiring myself, I would surely inspire others.
In 2024, it’s now been 10 years. I thought it might be time to republish the blog with my “10-Year Take”. I’m looking forward to seeing what’s changed and what has stayed the same. This is a gift to myself as I come into my 50th year on this planet, the same age my mom lost her 2-year battle with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. In some ways, it feels like I’m on borrowed time. In other ways, I feel like I’m completing her incomplete journey. Mom, you are missed and I’m not sure I would have gotten here if I hadn’t had to feel the loss of you. Thank you for reading.
Dated January 7, 2015
Attraction. I just wrote about it over the weekend. And then there it was again, back to say hello and to remind me that it isn’t so hard, reassuring me that I do indeed know it when I feel it. I sat a safe distance from him. We broke into storytelling just moments after meeting. His eyes are so beautiful and blue. As he shared his stories with me, I found myself daydreaming of reaching over to kiss him. That doesn’t happen often. I fought the desire to just do it, having a little conversation with myself, talking myself out of it. Being our first meeting, I held back. But when he said, “Will you kiss me?” I knew I blew my chance to be super cool and should have just gone for it earlier. There it was. Attraction. Welcome back.
10-Year Take:
Oh, I think I remember him! He was a beautiful bald man. I believe I went home with him that night. I find it interesting that I didn’t share the juicy tidbit. Was I ashamed? Why wouldn’t I share that info? I had a lot of one-night stands back in the day. I’m super ok with that. I was figuring out what I liked and exploring.
But seriously, he was hot! And I saw him one more time. It's a weird memory that just popped into my head; he got super weirded out by period blood. I remember him saying he was kinky, and my experience was that it was very much NOT kinky sex. I also remember dropping him at the airport. I read it as intimate, and I think he saw it as saving an Uber ride. Never to see him again. I was bummed. But I was also “future tripping” hardcore with him, which today reads to me as so not ready for an actual dating relationship. Way too early post-divorce! I was so ready to attach. But he was so pretty!
