Maybe THE Most Magical Day of My Life
I may expand on this post later, but for now, I just want to share some wedding videos, my vows, and my sister’s toast. Why on such a public forum? This day is a representation of where my life and work converge into magic. I’m who I am today because of what my work has allowed me to learn for myself, of which I get to keep passing forward to my clients.
Want the short version? Check out this recap:
Here’s the full ceremony:
My vows, for those that like to read:
“Who is that boy with the Mohawk?!” Even though we’d met a few times before, this time you caught my attention. Of course you did! A Mohawk! You were suppose to be nothing serious, a good time… at least until you were due to move, something we learned pretty early into dating. What could have signified the end, gave me the courage to throw caution to the wind. I was still relatively early in Michelle 2.0. I still thought myself to be too much. I held myself back, playing small in dating. I didn’t want to be more than someone could handle. I had big feelings that had been trained out of me, like most of us, since childhood. I was just starting to rebuild my confidence and my voice. I made a choice, with nothing to lose, to be transparent. I shared all the feelings, from anger to joy, from sadness to fear. You were the first person in my life who was safe enough for me to be authentic with. As I’ve learned about attachment and authenticity in my work, I appreciate how important the space I chose to inhabit and the space you are able to hold, played in my blossoming into the person I never knew, the person I’ve been able to become today.
You weren’t a polished boyfriend and I wasn’t a polished girlfriend. You lacked baggage (read experience) and I came with bags of hard cased luggage.
We learned how to create a healthy relationship together, me the studious one and Paul, always willing to absorb and stretch. Because you never quit, I didn’t either.
When we met, I didn’t know what I’d be when I grew up. I was still figuring me out. 7 and a half years later, I can’t imagine that I could have come to know ME as well as I have if it wasn’t for the mirror you’ve provided. Thank you for loving me.
I also can’t thank you enough for helping model to my boys what a healthy relationship can look like. That is a gift that will last generations. There is definitely a ripple effect to our love.
Paul, you are safe, accepting, and so open hearted. I laugh at how hard I worked to help you open up and now I often find I have the only dry eyes in the room. Example, we can’t watch Queer Eye without me turning to you and saying, “Are you crying?!” I love your heart and how much we both value community building. In fact, I know we are both so excited to have so many important people in our lives, meeting each other today.
Now for my vows… I vow to stand by your side, or in front or even behind you. I’ll stay in your peripheral. If you need me next to you, I’ll be there. If you need me to lead, I’ll be there. If need me to follow, I’ll be there.
I vow to protect our bubble while fiercely protecting our independence. May we always feel like adults in respect of our togetherness.
I vow to keep growing, taking chances, and living large, and happily taking you with me. You once said how great we are individually, but that we are better together. Honestly, we are killing it! I look forward to what we can do with the years we have in front of us, this beautiful life full of family and friends.
But overall, I vow to be true to myself and to love us both with a kind heart.
As Esther Perel would suggest, “You are the person I want to edit my story with!”
As you all know, I’ve done this before and yet I haven’t. I’ve never known such accepting love. Thank you for loving me, the real me. You loved me when I didn’t know how to love myself. Your patience is appreciated. I can now love myself too. And with that I say “I do.”
Paul’s vows for those that like to read:
“Michelle.
My wonderful, amazing Michelle.
My kind, caring, loving Michelle.
My full emotion, vulnerability sharing, juicy-hearted, adventurous, ever-growing, always charming, and never ashamed
Michelle.
Hi.
I don't know if you know this, but I love you. A lot. So much that I'm marrying you twice, in fact.
I know it may be hard to see, but I absolutely, whole-heartedly, and in a way that was impossible before I met you,
Love You.
All of You.
Every part.
The parts you’re Proud of and the parts that are scary to share.
I’m incredibly Honored that I’m the person you let hold space for you, and I treasure it so very, very much.
I've grown into the man I'm proud to be today in such a large part because of Who you are and How you love.
Michelle, I promise to continue to Love
You.
All of you.
Every single facet of the unique and wonderful jewel that is You.
My Michelle.”
My sister’s toast (not in video at this time as we hope to get the audio louder):
Good evening! I am Melissa, Michelle’s younger, but not youngest sister. It is such an honor and true pleasure to be here to witness this joyous union and to get to say a few words about Michelle and Paul.
Michelle and I are only 18 months apart in age, so she was of course, my first best
friend. Although our parents tended to foster more conflict that cooperation, we still managed to be very close during various stages of our childhood, adolescents, and teenage years. We were often partners in crime, but when we weren’t you could bet I was getting caught!
At one point in high school we were dating close friends and our boyfriends had this goofy little friend Sean who would tag along. We would spend hours hanging out at our house, laughing our asses off as Sean would read the Dick & Jane books my parents kept from when we were little. You know the ones – See Jane. See Dick. See Jane & Dick roll down the hill… He would read them word for word, but somehow in this tone that made them sound suggestive and dirty. You get the picture. I don’t know if I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life.
Michelle grew up as a vibrant, fun loving, athletic and brilliant young woman. I always admired her growing up. Watching her return to that Michelle that I grew up with has been a true joy and inspiration.
I’m sure most, if not all, of you know that my sister commonly refers to her adult transformations as Michelle 2.0 and 3.0. As Michelle 2.0 was in the beginning stages, I so distinctly remember a conversation we had about her passions and what she might do for a job in this next stage of her life. She talked about how much she enjoyed sex education and expressed a wish that she could figure out how to make that a career. Watching her take that wish and transform it into a goal, and nurture it into a job, and then so intentionally develop it into a career has been nothing short of awe inspiring! And not just a regular old career —watching her earn national and international recognition for the work she is doing brings me so much joy. She is changing lives and people are noticing! And being seen for the work you are doing is so rewarding.
I’ve often said to my children that the most important thing in life is finding your passion. That if you find your passion and do it, people will see that passion and you will find success there. I honestly can’t think of anyone in my life that has embodied this more. Anyone who encounters Michelle and takes just a moment to ask about her work can’t help but see the passion she has for what she does.
Michelle 2.0 & 3.0 has done a lot of work, not just for her clients, but for herself. She often says that she’s doing the work that our mom didn’t have the resources to do. This is so true and so fitting. Our mom did the best she could for us with what she had. When we lost her Michelle gave me a poem surrounded by photos of us with our mom and one line in particular has stuck with me all these years. “And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I have given them strength.”
Our mom gave us what she had to give, and much of it was life lessons, and a lot of character. Michelle has done the work she couldn’t and has passed on to her children so much more because she has cultivated more to give.
Michelle 3.0 is a force, but that also means that not just anyone could be Michelle’s partner. She is an independent, strong, woman who demands authenticity and emotional intelligence – not to mention an open mind and an unwillingness to conform to outdated societal constraints. Some could have wondered if such a partner exists in this world, but leave it to Michelle to find the unicorn!
Paul doesn’t just come along for the ride, he supports and nourishes Michelle 3.0. He challenges her in areas she wants to grow and pushes her out of her comfort zone when appropriate. Through Paul, Michelle has taken on new physical challenges and braved new experiences – growing through each and every one. Learning more about herself at each step. Michelle 3.0 exists, in large part, because of Paul and we’re all here to celebrate it!
So let’s all raise our glasses to the bride and groom… may your love continue to grow as you continue doing the work!
