Memoir Writing as a Spiritual Practice - day 1

Here we go! I decided to take Memoir Writing as a Spiritual Practice with Dr. Jamie Marich from the Institute for Creative Mindfulness. Sadly, I missed the first live class as something better came up. What could be better? My Michigan Wife had a business trip to Phoenix and I hopped in my car to rendezvous with her for a few days, meaning I missed the first live Zoom call. Some things (people) are more important.

The first task in the course is some free writing. I figured it might make for good content so I’ll share here. This will not have much editing. :)

Here are the writing prompt options (15 minutes):

What is the biggest lie someone ever told you about God (or god/G-d)?

What is the biggest lie someone told you about yourself in God’s name?

What new truths are you learning?

The first truth

I don’t have much of a relationship with God. I was raised in the church, but not in a way that deeply impacted me with lies. Or at least none that stand out. The culture of the church, though, that’s another story. The idea that a wife serves her husband was ingrained in my mid-west upbringing and certainly affected my ability to make empowered choices that were best for me. That’s almost 40 years. Then I started my Cuddlist work and learned that those types of disempowerment do not lead to healthy relationships.

The truth I have been learning over the last 10 years is that I have value without “proving my worth” through service. I am a valuable human being just for being here. I don’t have to be the “best wife” or “best girlfriend” by meeting every possible need, let alone anticipating those needs before my partner even knows they have a need. I really thought, for so many years, that I was easily disposable if I wasn’t a yes person. I needed to say yes or I would be discarded. In my yes to everything, I didn’t really have an idea of what I wanted at all. I wanted what my partner wanted.

My mom seemed to model the same behavior during my childhood. My dad was loud and angry, and their fighting was scary for me as a small child. I’m sure my mom was scared and likely exhausted. I’ve never thought much about her experience at that time. I just remember being scared. The yelling. There was so much of it coming from him, my father. My mom, can’t recall her yelling back. But I’m guessing she did because at some point in their relationship the yelling stopped and I have to think it’s because she quit trying. Maybe that helped them both quit yelling, nothing to yell at when you are a wall.? No idea.

I do recall that she used to say that she never learned how to fight because her parents were just completely passive. But I have to ask, when you are fighting with an abusive asshole, is there really a learned way to fight? My guess is that she means that she never learned how to fight back. Again, I can’t imagine there being a good way to fight with that man.

I’m in a much softer relationship now. He’s not a yeller. We argue at times but it’s not “heated” like my parents were. We often just agree to disagree. I know myself and I have autonomy. I know I’m valued, and not for my compliance. We are two adults in relationship and we choose to be here every day.

Another truth

I’m also learning that I need to slow down in my communication. A friend once pointed out to me that I interrupt people, and he asked if that was because I’ve never felt heard. As I’ve started my podcast, I can listen to it happen so often. I want to be better, and I believe the podcast is a mirror for me to watch my improvement. I need to add a post-it note to my recording area as a reminder to try extra hard. Take those deep breaths. There will be time to express myself. There is no rush. I want to be a better listener and communicator. This is part of that practice.

I think that wraps my 15 minutes.